WE’D ONLY BEEN MARRIED A WEEK WHEN IAIN WENT OFF TO THE FALKLANDS.

Seeing Iain off to the Falklands War was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do – neither of us could have known we’d never see each other again.

On 21 May 1982, five ships were hit. One of them was the HMS Argonaut, Iain’s ship. When I was told that Iain was ‘missing presumed dead’ a part of me didn’t want to believe it. There were five Iains on that ship, they might have got it wrong.

I COULDN’T DEAL WITH THE LOSS AT ALL.

After losing a loved one, it’s normal to go through different stages of grief. I got stuck in the ‘shock and disbelief’ phase. When the Gulf War started and I started to relive Iain’s death, I realised I had to do something. Especially as I had remarried and had two beautiful children.

I was diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. At the end of my treatment, I went out to the Falklands and planted a bush for Iain in the St. Carlos Cemetery.

THIS PLACE IS NOW AN INVALUABLE PART OF MY LIFE.

Iain’s body never came home, so the Armed Forces Memorial is a place where I can run my fingers over his name and be with him at the National Memorial Arboretum. That first visit was wonderful, but heart-breaking too. I stood there and talked to him for ages.

The War Widows’ Garden was also a great help. The flower beds have been planted to reflect the different phases of grief. There’s red for anger, purple for despair, pastels for acceptance and yellow for memories. I made myself walk through each stage because I couldn’t do it all those years ago.

PASSING ON MY STORY.

I’m now part of the Education Team, explaining why the Arboretum is so important to me. It’s good to be able to turn pain and grief into something positive.

Children come here not knowing what to expect yet by the end of the day the fantastic environment has made a real and lasting impression. They understand that the Arboretum is the place where we remember the unique contributions our brave Service men and women make.

Margaret's story is one of so many. The Arboretum is here for all those with such sad but brave stories and your gift of a donation will help to ensure it remains so for generations to come.

Thank you for your generous support!

Please click here to learn more

Margaret visiting the Arboretum and the Armed Forces Memorial.

  Margaret at the War Widows Garden.

  Margaret reading the dedications on the Basra Wall Memorial.